Existence

“Since we're all going to die, it's obvious that when and how don't matter.”

The Stranger, Albert Camus

Living is a funny feeling. There are moments of pure joy, followed by an endless abyss of concentrated pain. It is an eternal wait for a few moments of elation enveloped between hideous moments of nothingness. You are born, you are raised, you are educated, you are spoiled, you are then sent out into the world to fend for yourselves, to find your life, to find out where your story goes. What you don't realise is that along the way, you lose bits of yourself, you shed your innocence, you hide your feelings, you pretend that your life has some importance to the universe. Once you have a steady job, a house, a car, a dog, a family...what is left? What do you wake up to every morning? To a job you have been working at every day for ten years? To your children whose shiny faces melt your heart till they start bawling and howling for attention? Or to your husband who means the world to you and who has spent his entire adult life growing into a spouse that you always dreamt of? Where is the joy in this melancholy? Where is the excitement? We, as a human race has advanced so much that our life expectancy is about 70-90 years, yet, what is the point of living such a long life if all you do with it is to exist? Some of you might argue with statements such as,  "Hey, what if Mother Teresa or  Van Gogh or A.R. Rehman or any of the other Toms, Dicks and Harrys had thought like that? Would the world be what it is today?" To you, I say, of course not. But would it have mattered? What would have mattered, probably, that the likes of Hitler or Idi Amins had thought like that. The world would have been a better place. The absence of bad will always outweigh the presence of the good. The good is only needed as long as the bad exists. Remove the negative, and you won't need the positives, just the neutrals. Most of us spend our entire lives living in the Neutral zone. Existing for the sake of it, trying to find joy, and failing to make it stick. It's just a series of highs and lows, with no end in sight. 

With the Delhi election results out tomorrow, it anyway feels like the end is near. All hope is lost. It is what it is, nothing moves forward, nothing can go backwards. It is a rut, we are all stuck awaiting some miracle to make our lives more exciting, more loved and more blessed. I doubt there is anything more than this. We've seen it all, we have been tricked into believing any of this matters.

It is the end of life, as we know it.